Dentist: Please stop howling.I haven't even touched your tooth yet.
Patient: I know.But you are standing on my foot!
牙医：请不要再叫了，我都还没有挨着你的牙齿啊!
病人：可是，亲，你可明白，你踩到我脚了！
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students.He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in.The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the tests back out.This student got back his test and $64 change.
一天，教授正在给学生们监考。他发下试卷，然后回到讲台前等待。
考试结束了，学生们纷纷交回试卷。教授发现一张试卷上别着一张百元钞票，还有一张纸条写着：“一分一块钱。”
第二堂课，教授把试卷都发回学生们手中。其中一个学生不但得到了试卷还得到64块钱的`找零。
"Excuse me,but the seat you've taken is mine."
"Yours?Can you prove it?"
"Yes,I put a cup of ice cream on it."
"请原谅，你占了我的位置。"
"你的位置?你能征明这点吗?"
"能，我在位置上放了杯冰激凌。"
The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man plained to his friend."She asks me a question,then answers it herself,and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可怜的丈夫
“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自我回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”
Put your feet in
The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher shar*. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil, "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"
把脚放进去
一个女学生坐在座位上，嘴里起劲地嚼着口香糖，脚却伸到课桌间的走道里，被教师发现了。“玛丽!”教师严厉地叫她。“什么事，教师?”这女学生问。“把口香糖从嘴里拿出来，把脚放进去。”
Let Dog in Hotel
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me.He is well-groomed and very well behaved.Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate re* came from the hotel owner,who said,"I've been operating this hotel for many years.In all that time,I've never had a dog steal towels,bedclothes,silverware or pictures off the walls.I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly.And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill.Yes,indeed,your dog is wele at my hotel.And,if your dog will vouch for you,you're wele to stay here,too."
一个人给一家他计划在假期里停留的小旅馆写了封信，“我十分期望带着我的狗，它很干净很有教养，你能允许它和我睡一间屋子吗?”
旅馆主人立即回了封信，“我经营旅馆很多年了，狗从没偷过毛巾，床单， 餐具，或者墙上的画。我也从没有在半夜因为狗喝醉胡闹而赶走它，狗也从不不付帐就跑掉。实际上我们十分欢迎您的狗来我们旅馆，如果它为您担保，也欢迎您来。
——英语寓言小故事(精选25篇) (菁华6篇)
The miser and his gold Once upon a time there was a miser.He hid his gold under a tree.Every week he used to dig it up.
One night a robber stole all the gold.When the miser came again,he found nothing but an empty hole.
He was surprised,and then burst into tears.All the neighbors gathered around him.
He told them how he used to e and visit his gold.
"Did you ever take any of it out?" asked one of them."No，" he said,"I only came to look at it." "Then e again and look at the hole，" said the neighbor,"it will be the same as looking at the gold."
守财奴
从前，有个守财奴将他的金块埋到一棵树下，每周他都去把他挖出来看看。
一天晚上，一个小偷挖走了所有的金块。 守财奴再来查看时，发现除了一个空洞什么都没有了。
守财奴便捶胸痛哭。哭声引来了邻居，他告诉他们那里原先有他的金块。
问明了原因后，一个邻居问：“你使用过这些金块吗?” “没用过，” 他说，“我只是时常来看看。”“那么，以后再来看这个洞，”邻居说，“就像以前有金块时一样。”
The Ass and the Grasshopperan
Ass having heard some Grasshoppers chirping,was highly enchanted; and,desiring to possess the same charms of melody,demanded what sort of food they lived on,to give them such beautiful voices. They replied,"The dew." The Ass resolved that he would only live upon dew,and in a short time died of hunger.
驴和蚱蜢
一只驴听到几只蚱蜢在叫，便觉得很趣味;于是也想得到同样趣味的音调，便问蚱蜢吃什么东西过活，以致于能有这样优美的声音。蚱蜢说：露水。驴子听了，从此以后也单吃露水过活，不久便饿死了。
Three Good Friends
One day,a monkey rides his bike near the river.This time he sees a lion under a tree.The lion runs at him.He is afraid and falls into the river.He can’t swim.He shouts.The rabbit hears him.He jumps into the river.The rabbit swims to the monkey,but he can’t help him.Luckily,an elephant es along.He is very strong.He helps the rabbit and monkey.Three friends are very happy.They go to the elephant’s home.Then,three of them bee good friends.
三个好朋友
一天，一只猴子在河边骑车。这时他看见树下有一只狮子，狮子向他跑来。他十分的害怕，掉进河里。他不会游泳，大叫起来。兔子听见了，跳进水里，但他却没有办法救猴子。幸运的是，一只大象过来了。大象十分强壮，救出了兔子和猴子。他们来到大象的家，在那里吃了一顿大餐。从此他们成了好朋友。
Long ago a great mountain began to rumble and shake.
People came from far and near to see what would happen.
"A great river will be born." said one.
"Surely nothing less than a mighty dragon will e out." said another.
"A god himself will spring form these rocks." said a third.
Finally,after days of expectation a small crack appeared in the mountain. And out popped-a mouse.
Just because someone makes a lot of fuss， it doesn't mean he is important.
山
很久以前，一座大山隆隆作响，摇晃起来。远*各处的人都来看是怎样回事。
一个人说："要出现一条大河了。"
另一个人说："准会出现一条巨龙。"
第三个人说："从这些岩石中会出现一尊神来。"
等了几天之后，山坡上最终裂开一条小缝，却蹦出来一只耗子。
正因为某人大肆张扬，所以他没有什么了不起。
A wild boar was sharpening his tusks against a tree one day when a fox came by.
"What are you doing that for?" asked the fox. "There are no hunters around.Everything looks very peaceful to me."
"Quite true,"said the boar,"but when the hunter does e with his dogs I shall be too busy running away to have time for this. So let me sharpen my tusks while I can."
Be prepared.
野猪和狐狸
有一天，野猪在树上磨牙齿，狐狸走过来。
"你为什么干这个呀？"狐狸问，"附*又没有猎人，我觉得*安无事。"
"不错，"野猪说，"可是，如果猎人真的带着猎狗来了，我只能逃走，就没工夫干这个了。趁我此刻能够磨，就让我磨磨牙齿吧。"
时刻准备着（有备无患）。
A boy was playing in the fields when he was stung by a nettle.He ran home to tell his mother what had happened.
"I only touched it lightly," he said, "and the nasty thing stung me."
"It stung you because you only touched it lightly," his mother told him." Next time you touch a nettle grasp it as tightly as you can. Then it won't sting you at all."
Face danger boldly.
男孩和荨麻
有个男孩子在地里玩耍，被荨麻刺痛了。他跑回家去，告诉妈妈出了什么事。
"我可是轻轻地碰了它一下，"他说，"那厌恶的东西就把我刺痛了。"
"你只轻轻地碰了它一下，所以它才刺痛你，"妈妈对他说，"下一回你再碰到荨麻，就尽量紧紧地抓住它。那它就根本不会刺痛你了。"
要敢于应对危险。
——中篇幽默英语笑话 (菁华3篇)
Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public.
So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."
我在邮局上班，对于顾客们的各种情绪早已*以为常了。
所以，有一天当一个生气的顾客气冲冲地来到我的工作台时，我还是非常*静地问她，“有什么问题吗?”“我早上上街了，”女顾客说，“我回到家的时候，我看到一个卡片，卡片说邮递员要给我们家送包裹，但没人在家。可是我的丈夫整个早上都在家啊。他说他什么都没听到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹给了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顾客喜形于色。“我们等这东西都等多少年了!”“是什么好东西?”我问。“我丈夫的新助听器”。
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it.
So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"
汤姆早上老起不来，所以上班总是迟到。他的'老板非常生气，警告他如果他不能有所改善的话就炒他的鱿鱼。
于是，汤姆去看医生，医生给了他一颗药丸并告诉他要在睡觉前服下这颗药。汤姆照医生的话做了，睡得非常之好，事实上，他在早上闹钟响之前就起来了。汤姆从容不迫地吃完早餐，然后兴高采烈地开车上班去了。 “老板”，汤姆说，“那药真管用，我的睡眠好极了!” “是够管用的，”老板说，“问题是，昨天你人哪去了”?
A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the new doctors ... but after 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.
After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?" The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"
有个妇女去看病，为她诊治的是一名年轻的医生。检查进行了大约四分钟，她哭着跑了出去，在走廊里面一边跑一边大叫着。一位老医生拦住了她，问她发生了什么事，妇女告诉了他事情的经过。
听她说完，老医生让她坐在另一间屋子里放松一下，他自己穿过走廊来到新医生的办公室：“你是怎么搞的?特里太太今年63岁，她的四个孩子都成年了，还有7个孙子孙女，可是你居然对她说她怀孕了?”新医生继续做着他的纪录，眼皮都没抬一下：“她现在还打嗝吗?”
——中篇英语笑话故事 (菁华3篇)
Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that sim* stated, "ENTRANCE".
中间战术
三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。
右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”
左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”
中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。
Very Pleased to Meet You
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."
"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
"Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister."
"I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"
在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作，当然遇到了许多男士，包括军官和士兵。
一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，“我明天就要出国，但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。”琼同意了，于是他们几个月里一直通着信。
后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告诉她，他受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。
琼到了医院，她对护士长说，“我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。”
“这里只有亲属可以探望病人。”护士长说。
“噢，是的，”琼说，“我是他的妹妹。”
“很高兴认识你，”护士长说，“我是他的母亲。”
Five Months Older
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
大五个月
第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。
可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。
“你多大了?”军医问。
“十八，长官。”约翰说。
“可你的.哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”
约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”
——小笑话开心一刻 (菁华5篇)
《双休》
一日，老公喝醉了。
听说醉后都会说实话，于是老婆问道：“以后有钱了想干嘛？”
老公：“要娶五个老婆！”
老婆怒了：“那为什么不学韦小宝娶七个回来？”
老公恍惚道：“太累，我需要双休！”
一个人发贴：刚和哥哥打架了，他在客厅里，我在厨房里，厨房有刀，我要怎么办?
雷人回复：削个苹果给哥哥吃，告诉他别生气了!
再做两年鸭子就不做了
我和师兄都是做卤鸭子的。
一天他说感叹的说："唉，做这真辛苦，再做两年鸭子我就不做了。"
没有买卖，就没有杀害
我国大约有三亿的学生,假设*均每个学生考试考五科。
每科两张卷,每年考两次,就有六十亿张卷纸,大约四十亿米,能绕地球十圈。
一棵树大约能造一千五百张纸,六十亿就相当于四百万棵树，能栽满整个北京。
为了低碳环保,拒绝考试是必须的。
请记住："没有买卖，就没有杀害!"
谁说出去还要被打
《教育法》有规定：不准教师体罚或变相体罚学生，我到某学校检查常规工作，教师行为作为重点。
在班上我问学生：你们的老师打过你们吗?
学生一起回答：没--有--
我疑惑了。我又问：真的吗?
一个学生补充说：老师说了，谁说被打过，还要被我打。
某年某日，女友坐在我大腿上看书，我在玩手机。忽然间女友一边轻咬下唇，一边若有所思，画面很是诱人。我便轻轻地亲了女友一下。女友皱了下眉看了看我，然后继续看书。不久，又出现了刚才那诱人的.画面。当我又想亲女友的时候，女友一手捏住我的嘴唇，怒骂：“你大爷的，老娘牙疼你掺和个啥！”
问一好友他的相册密码，他给了我一串17位长的英文“cptbtptpbcptdtptp”，我讶异地问：“这么长，你咋就记得住啊？”他弱弱地回：“吃葡萄不吐葡萄皮不吃葡萄倒吐葡萄皮！”
打高尔夫球
一天下午一个年轻人在高尔夫球场准备开球，这时过来一个老人，询问是否可以和他一起打几杆。
因为年轻人是独自一个，就爽快地答应了。
开球以后，老人打的很不错，虽然球击得不很远，却是扎扎实实地前进，几乎没有浪费时间。当他们来到第九洞前时，年轻人看到一棵枝繁叶盛的大树挡住了球路。
年轻人反复观察测量，想找出避开大树的方法。
几分钟后，老人开了腔：“年轻人，知道吗？我在你这个年纪时，就会狠命一击，把球从树顶上打过去。”被老人一激，年轻人玩命挥杆，向球击去。不幸，球直接飞进了树冠，然后掉下地面，又滚到了眼前。
这时，老人又说道：“当然了，我在你这个年纪的时候，这棵树只有两米来高。”
兴趣是最好的老师
我给我妈买了个智能洗衣机，教了50。回还是不会用，经常打电话来问怎么开机。
后来给她买了一台自动麻將機。
那叫一个牛，卡牌死机了，立即从口袋里掏出一把小改锥，三下五除二就把台面卸了，重新调整滑轨，校对卡齿，再把麻将桌安装好，一气呵成！
1、列车员：“您拿着二等车票怎么会坐头等车厢?”
犹太人觉得受了侮辱：‘难道我拿着二等车票就该去坐三等车厢吗?”
2、一次结婚，新娘放一个屁，场面尴尬起来，一人说：“新娘放屁，大吉大利。”不一会，又放俩个屁，场面有尴尬起来，那个人又说：“新娘放俩，一个顶俩。”不一会，她放仨屁，场面尴尬起来，只见那个人又说：“快跑啊，新娘子要拉了!”
3、
1)猫因生活所迫，在狐狸开的夜来香发廊坐台。一日，老鼠来到发廊点名要住一晚，猫誓死不从。老鼠大怒道：当初追老子，追得死去活来，现在送上门，还假正经
2)医生问病人是怎么骨折的。病人说，我觉得鞋里有沙子，就扶着电线杆抖鞋。TMD有个经过那里，以为我触电了，便抄起木棍给了我两棍子!
3)生物课上，老师问：如何才能正确分辨章鱼的手和脚?学生答：放个屁给它闻，会捂住鼻子的就是手，其他的就是脚。全班皆倒。
4)一人上班老是放响屁，同事忍不住说：你能不能不出声?然后便见他坐在那抖个不停。同事问他在干什么，他答：我现在已经调成振动啦!
......
4、他在车厢里很有礼貌地问坐在旁边的女士：“我抽烟妨碍你吗?”“不，你就像在家里一样好了。”他只能将烟盒重新放回衣袋，叹口气道：“照样不能抽。”
5、一个家伙到医院去检查，并做了许多测试。
医生说：“有好消息、也有坏消息!看过你的测试结果后，我发现你有潜在的同性恋倾向!!而且难以根治。”
这个家伙说：“我的天啊呀!那好消息呢?”
医生腼腆的说：“我发现你还蛮可爱的耶……”
6、十一长假回来的当晚，某女在其男朋友宿舍留宿。
第二天清晨，此二人被宿舍同学紧急送往校医院，经校医询问后，诊断病例填写如下：
女孩因脱水导致昏厥，男生因暴饮暴食导致消化不良!
7、从前，有一个穷人来到一位百万富翁的家里。这个穷人向百万富翁讲述自己的苦恼。他把自己怎样受苦讲得那么真切动人，这位百万富翁受到从来没有过的感动。他对仆人说：“约翰，快把这个穷汉赶出去，他使我的心都碎了。”
8、五元钱被犯罪团伙绑架了，打电话给百元钞：
“喂!你儿子在这里，不想我们撕票就用自己来换他!”
百元钞想了一下说：
“撕吧，撕了你们连5块钱都没有了!”
9、有一老头，在电影院里找东西，东摸摸，西摸摸。
一男问：干嘛呢，我是男的
老头：不……不，我东西掉了
男：嘛东西?老头：糖!
男：一块糖?你这老头忒……
老头：不……不，我假牙还粘在上面呢。(汗)
10、阿凡提和妻子一起商讨谋生之道，力求自己生活过得好一点。
妻子思来想去，最后对阿凡提说：“我们在羊群通往草场的必经之路上，种许许多多的骆驼刺，当羊群来回经过的时候，肯定会在骆驼刺上留下很多羊毛。我们把这些羊毛蓄积起来，擀制出一张张漂亮的羊毛毡，然后把毡子拿去卖了再买回一群鸡，这样我天天就能拾许多许多鸡蛋，你再把鸡蛋卖了换回一只羊……”
“与其这样还不如从那些羊群里抓回两只羊哩!”阿凡提打断妻子的话说。
“不，不，不劳而获不好，再说做贼肯定没有好下常刚才我说到哪儿了?对了，我们买回了羊再让它下小羊，然后再用卖羊的钱买回一匹母马，再让母马生一匹马驹，我骑上小马驹……”
......某地的公交车上就设了有刷卡的机器，刚出来的时候人们对这机器就产生了很浓厚的兴趣，一位年轻的女士看到许多人都是拿个手提包有些是撅起屁股然后司机就让他们都过了，这时候女士看到前面一位少妇把屁股一撅然后就找了个位置坐了下来，这位年轻的女士也效仿着前面的少妇，把屁股一撅然后就走了。这时司机把年轻的女士叫住了。
“喂，你还付钱呢?”司机回头朝那位年轻女士叫了下
“怎么?什么意思啊?他们不都把屁股一撅就通过了，我比前面的那位少妇还年轻，她一撅屁股就可以通过，我就不行了啊!我还比她年轻呢!”说完气忽忽地甩了甩头发
......
11、一天，阿凡提往家里带来了几位客人，他对妻子说：“老婆子，快烤一点馕吧!”
妻子不高兴地问他道，“家里连一把面都没有了，我用什么烤馕?”
“那就烤包子吧!”阿凡提说。
12、阿凡提写了一个告示，要求县官签发。县官打开告示一看，告示上写着：“今委派纳斯尔钉阿凡提去全县各地巡查，凡发现有怕老婆的男人，征收一只大母鸡，概不例外。”
县官起初以为阿凡提是开开玩笑，便答应了他的要求。在告示上签了自己的大名。
过了几天，阿凡提带着数百只母鸡来见县官。县官惊奇地问道：“阿凡提，你真的用那张告示征来了这么多鸡?”
“正是。”阿凡提眉飞色舞地说：“因鸡太多，没东西装，我中途就返回来了，不然，全县的有妇之夫都要交一只母鸡。”
说完，阿凡提神秘地笑了笑又说道：“县官老爷，我发现了一个重大的秘密，不知该不该说。”
——英语小笑话带翻译优选【五】份
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”
my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦，
亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall.Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
三个互相争生意的商店老板在一个商场租用了相互毗邻的.店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying，"Gigantic Sale!”and "Super Bargains!”
右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书:“大减价!”“特便宜!”
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming，“Prices Slashed”and“Fantastic Discounts!”
左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称:“大砍价!”“狂打折!”
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that sim*** stated，“ENTRANCE".
中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着:“入口处”。
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
The doctor lives downstairs
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
医生住在楼下
“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。
“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”
他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家――医生住在楼下。”
